In response to your application ‘to be treated like a living, breathing human being for a change, and not some benumbed automaton’ we regret to inform you that all such positions are filled at the present time. This is by no means a reflection of your qualifications to be human. We have simply had an amazing group of candidates this year, and we assure you that the choices were not easy to make. Although we cannot offer you true humanity at present, we encourage you to apply again at some later date. Best wishes for your future success and happiness.